3 day weekend plans

rainy day blues

Why, God? Why?

I had Subway for lunch today, and made myself a healthy, small salad for dinner. Around 9pm I was like "Well dieting blows" so I went to get some french fries from McDonalds.

Upon exiting my car, I spilled my precious fries on the floor.

why me?



One quick thing

Here's something about Match.com I'm not too fond of - some of these dudes are really freaking pushy! If I ignore a message from someone, I get another one from him saying something like, "What was I not good enough for you? Did you even read my profile? How can you possibly dismiss someone just by looking at their picture and reading their bio paragraph?" 

For God's sake! I'm seriously considering terminating my account. I can get yelled at by strange men in bars for free, and at least when that happens I have the option to spill my drink on them if I want to, or chuck a mozzerella stick at the back of their head. Online the only option I have is to write back in SHOUTY CAPS.

This might have been a mistake people.

Mornin Pals

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Never Gets Old

This little gem never gets old to me.

"Forget a rubber you should go get a vasectomy".

Genius!

Kristen & Katy - why haven't we done something like this yet?

This is pretty cute...



ca-yute

Week 1 Update

I gotta tell ya - I think this whole Match.com thing is turning me into a pretty bad person. I'm being judgemental and I'm making fun of people more so than I do normally...

But if you're supposed to only judge people by how their personality matches yours then they really shouldn't allow pictures! And I put that I was only interested in men from the ages of 26-35 so why the hell are 40 year old men messaging me? I guarantee you a 40 year old man wouldn't walk up to me in a bar and say "I'd like to get to know you, and I think you'd like to get to know me" (direct quote) so why are they allowed to do it online?

Agh. I'm just so confused by this whole process. And now they're havaing these things called "Stirs" where Match.com members all meet up at a bar and then get to know each other that way. WHAT?! So let me get this straight, this website was created so that people who "are so over the bar scene" can meet people, but then they're going to put them in bars to meet? I get it I get it, the difference is that these are all going to be single people who are interested in finding a mate. The whole "bar hierarchy" is still in effect though... where the guy has to go up to a girl and try to come up with a line, then the girl has to decide whether or not she finds him attractive... still the same awkwardness! 

Oh brother. What have I gotten myself into?

 

aunt linda

Tomorrow is Friday Already?



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This week went by so fast for me! Not complaining - I'm pretty stoked about the weekend I have ahead of me.

Friday: 1/2 of the office is heading to a seminar on positive thinking (no, seriously) for the day so I'll be left to my own internet-browsing-devices. Niiiice.

Saturday: My sister's 30th birthday dinner! Her actual birthday was June 4th, the day after she had her baby, so we didn't get to celebrate properly. We're going to a fancy-dance restaurant downtown then out and about after that - great reason to break out muh new dress!

Sunday: I'll be horizontal most of the day on Sunday with Lyla & Lucy. (Unless this is my dad reading this, in which case, I'm going to get up early, eat a healthy breakfast, ride my bike, then do some other healthy, productive stuff! And I'm super excited about it!!)

Hope you guys all had a great week - I sure did!

MATCHmaker

At the recommendation of my older, wiser sister, I decided to sign up for Match.com.

I did the free trial earlier this year around Valentine's day and it thoroughly creeped me out. I was on the website for no more than 12 hours and I had been overwhelmed with "winks" and emails... don't get me wrong it was very flattering, but I wasn't prepared for it. I wanted to just see what the site was all about without getting too invested and instead it felt like I had walked into a men's only sports bar wearing a swimsuit. Too much attention - too much attention. So I deactivated right away and my sister and I agreed that I'd try again at the end of summer if I hadn't met anyone.

Well, the end of summer is here and I haven't met anyone - so here we go with round two. I've been "online dating" (oh my God oh my God oh my God) for about four days now and I'm starting to get the hang of it. A wink is like a poke on Facebook - it shows people you're interested. However, you can also push a button on someone's profile that says, "I'm interested". So the winking seems superfluously sleazy. I've winked at two people (technically I've winked back at two people) and have been emailing with one really nice guy. The few people I've told that I'm on Match have all regaled me with how they have friends who met their spouses on this site... so that's good I guess. I'd hate to see what comes next after failing at online dating. Oh God I think it's like... speed dating. Please let this work, please let this work!

 I'm probably going to blog about this each time something interesting or noteworthy happens but I won't use names out of respect for the virtual-gents.  

So buckle up, folks. I foresee a lot of cringe-worthy moments thanks to this little website, and I can't wait to fill you all in on each and every humiliating detail. 

 

pret-tay serious

Sorry Sorry Sorry

I have been informed that it has been a few days since my last post and that people are worried about me so here's some few random thoughts for everyone on this glorious Wednesday.

1. I miss my friends Monica & Mike who moved to Texas. They can come home now.

2. Lacy got a job in New York at a Starbucks! She's barrista-ing y'all.

3. Happy Endings on ABC is starting up again soon - bring. it. on.

Best show ever. So excited.

4.

 

Just LOOK at it.

5. I'm super excited for fall this year. Hope it's not a bullshit St. Louis fall though where it goes from 90 degrees to 50 degrees and skips over everything enjoyable.

6. And here are just a bunch of other random things that made me happy:

Not my best blog to date, but what do you want from me?

LOVES!

I Love Lucy

Got a second kitty.

Named her Lucy. So now I have Lucy & Lyla.

They hated each other at first, and now they're play pals.

The only problem with this is that they're play pals around 3:30 a.m. which causes a lot of ruckus and knocking over of my shit.

She's pretty cute though. Guess she's worth the sleep deprivation :)



Teamwork



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Chapter One...

"I'll take two - thanks", Molly says with her eyes down and her voice soft. The bartender looks at her with raised eyebrows and she thinks to herself, "Don't judge me, smelly hipster barkeep, just pour the shots", but of course says nothing. He sets the two shots of cheap tequila in front of her and pushes the bottle of salt across the bar towards her. "Rough day?" he offers. She snorts and mutters, "It would appear that way now wouldn't it?" 

She pulls her sleeves down over her hands and puts them down into her lap as the tears well up. 

"Another one bites the dust", she thinks.

 As she grabs the first shot glass with her left hand she pushes the salt away with her right. "Here's to hoping I forget this quickly" she says as she raises the shot in the air to cheers to no one. As soon as she finishes the first one she reaches for the second, then circles her index finger in the air as a signal for the bartender to keep them coming. She needs to forget what happened earlier tonight, and Jose Cuervo is the only man she trusts to help her do so.

One hour and 6 tequila shots later, Molly is finally feeling better. Emotionally, not physically. Physically she feels like her throat is on fire and her head is barely attached. But emotionally... emotionally she finally has what she wanted - oblivion. She's alone in a bar on a Friday night and it's starting to get busy as more and more people file through the doors. Through squinted eyes and in between drunken hiccups she sees a blonde figure coming towards her and the figure is saying her name. 

"Molly? Are you okay? Who are you here with?" the girl says.

"Oh Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Who are you here with? Don't ask such questions it's not appropriate", Molly slurs as she touches Jackie's nose.

Jackie looks at the bartender who shrugs. Jackie is an acquaintance of Molly's from college. Sorority sisters who shared the same Greek letters but nothing else in common, Molly and Jackie aren't necessarily close. They ask how the other one is when they see each other out in social settings, but don't really listen to the answer. 

"Do you have a ride or what? Can I call you a cab?"

"No. No no no. I'm fine. I'm on a mission and I haven't completed my mission yet. You can go. Go go go I'm fine bye Jackieeeee" she says as she shakes Jackie's shoulders. As she's shaking her, she falls forward and knocks the cranberry vodka cocktail Jackie is holding onto the floor. Jackie jumps back to avoid the splash but the red drink still manages to land all over her white skinny jeans and tan leather Tory Burch flats. Molly finds this hysterical. Jackie is seething.

"Here's her tab. She's gotta go - I'm not dealing with her when she gets sick", the bartender says. 

"Molly where's your purse? Did you bring one?"

"Ha - t'son on the floor in the cranberry", Molly giggles.

Jackie squats down and grabs Molly's booze covered bag and sets it on the bar. She grabs a few cocktail napkins and wipes as much of the liquid off as she can before she opens it in search of a wallet. As she's rummaging through the bag she finds Molly's iPhone. 

"Hey it looks like someone named Brad has been trying to call you. 9 missed calls and 4 texts... can I call him to come get you?"

Molly stops doing the lewd dance she was doing behind Jackie's back and grabs the phone from her hands.

"No. No Brad. You ruined the mission thanks a lot" Molly says quickly. She purposely drops her phone into the pitcher of beer in front of her which belonged to another bar patron. 

"Molly!!!" Jackie screams as she grabs the phone out of the beer and gives "I'm so sorry" eyes to the owner of the now tainted pitcher. It's too late, though. Molly has already spun around on her heel and is heading towards the back door sans purse and without paying her tab. Jackie reaches into her back pocket and grabs the money she was planning on using for a cab later and throws it down on the bar. 

"She's sorry", she says to the bartender as she's grabbing Molly's soaking purse and phone and heads out after her. She finds her sitting cross-legged on the sidewalk leaning back on her hands and looking up to the sky.

"What's your deal, Molly? This is bull shit, you've ruined my shoes, you cost me my cabfare ... I would have walked away by now but I won't be able to enjoy myself if I don't know you got somewhere safe. Now can I call you a cab or not?" 

"Stars don't get boyfriends didja know that? They don't get boyfriends and the boyfriends don't say mean things and the stars don't get sad", Molly says somewhat childishly. 

Jackie's annoyance fades a little now that she finally knows why Molly is behaving the way she is. 

"C'mon, lady. Let's get you home."

The next afternoon Molly wakes up in her own bed with a piece of paper on the pillow next to her. 

"Molly, 

I'm so sorry to hear you're having trouble with your boyfriend. You were in pretty bad shape last night when I saw you so I just went ahead and drove you home and made sure you got into your place okay. Here's my cell phone number - we should have lunch next week some time. Give me a call! Alpha love forever!

-Jackie"

Molly uses the letter to wipe the drool off the side of her face then tries to sit up. The room moves and her head pounds but she manages to get both feet on the floor. She looks out into the living area of her small apartment and sees her shoes, purse and all its contents sprawled out on the floor. She bends down and picks up her phone which is sticky and broken from it's beer bath last night. 

"Shit", she mutters. 

After eating a quick breakfast (technically lunch) of a handful of cereal, she cleans herself up and gets changed. She grabs her car keys and heads outside only to realize her car is still at the bar. 

"Shiiiiiiit".

The sun only adds to her hangover misery but she has no choice but to walk the few miles to the bar where she left her car. As she walks she thinks about everything that she remembers from the night before. Rushing home from work, getting dressed up for her date with Brad, driving to his house and talking to her mom on the phone about how he was "the one"... then the look on Brad's face when he told her that they needed to talk. 

I am very sneaky senor.

sneaky sneaky senor.

Friday!

GANGWAY!!!

beepbeep!

Sentimental Things

I was at lunch with two of my favorite gals from work the other day and I got a tuna salad sandwich.

 "This is really good, but it doesn't hold a candle to my mom's tuna salad. Technically it's my grandma's tuna salad I guess", I said.

"Oh yeah? What does your mom put in it that makes it better?" Amy asked.

I had to stop and think about this - she doesn't do anything fancy or out of the ordinary with it. Just celery, lite mayo and some hard boiled egg whites - pretty standard.

 I realized it's not really the tuna salad itself that I love so much - it's the fact that my mom makes it for my dad even though she thinks it's disgusting. I remember walking into our kitchen and seeing the ingredients for it, and then seeing how excited my dad would be when it was ready. I always loved that, and I guess that's now what I associate with tuna salad. 

After explaining that to my friends, both Amy and Katie offered up their own stories of how they sentimentalize simple things, too. 

Do you have anything that seems ordinary to other people, but will always be special to you for a sentimental reason?

chicken of the sea