meh.

Today at lunch:

Random woman talking to her friend: "Look at her sitting in that car! The windows are all rolled up! The car doesn't look like it's running either!"

Me (panicked): "A DOG?!"

Random woman (panic rising): "No, an old lady!" 

Me: "Oh she's fine."

Exit Alli.

"Whenever someone describes themselves as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole."

Absolutely heavenly...

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Back by Popular Demand...

Know what I realized today? 

I realized that over the last year (maybe 14 months), I've grown up a lot. And not even on purpose...

Let's start at the beginning: I was coming out of a breakup and didn't know if I was on foot or on horseback (thank you, Dad, for the expression). I was just focusing on getting through the day with no major breakdowns. The summer came and I started dating here and there and building up a bit more confidence. Fall came and I went on an amazing vacation with my parents where I spent a lot of time on my own, thinking and reflecting (and sunning). 

I joined a dating website and met a few great people, and though none were meant to be "the one", I enjoyed a lot of new adventures with them. In November I reconnected with an old friend named Lindsey who I have a blast with, and who introduced me to a lot of new, fun, amazing, kind people.

 I spent another magical Christmas with my family where my nephew started talking and saying things like, "Oh yeah!" after everything. I got through a New Years without thinking I had to get dressed up and drunk and make fancy resolutions. I spent it with one of my best friends, Betsy, watching a movie. 

In March I joined a gym and started taking a little better care of myself. Because I wanted to - not because I thought a guy would like me better if I said I was a gym-goer. Now I go 3 times a week and love it more than I ever though I could.

In May I spent my birthday in my favorite place with some of my favorite people.

My other best friend, Lacy, just moved back to St. Louis from New York, and we get to plan a wedding for her, and later this summer, Betsy will welcome a beautiful baby boy into the world. 

Don't worry, I know more than anyone that once you start to realize how good things are going, something terrible will ultimately happen... so I'm going to stay cautiously yet immensely grateful for the past year of growth. 

  On wards and upwards loves...

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I Am Sher-Locked

It's official, I'm obsessed, and if you haven't seen any of the series then you're pretty much dead to me.

Just. Watch. It.

The acting is superb, the writing is on par with Aaron Sorkin (fast, witty and brilliant), and looking at Benedict Cumberbatch is okay too, I guess.

"Round & round the garden, like a teddy bear!"

The only sad thing is that each series only has 3 episodes, and they're all an hour and a half long, and there are only 3 series released so far. And they take like 2 years in between each series! So who knows when the 4th one will come out?!

And for those of you who don't think B.C. is handsome based off of this post, just look at this picture of him and try to tell me he's not a tall British god the likes of which this generation has never seen...

zing

The last time I was really a "gym member" was back in college when that was part of staying social as a Greek Life member. That was back in 2005-2006 when it was still okay to wear these kinda shorts:

(Read: these are not my legs)

and any old t-shirt. I thought that this was still acceptable gym attire when I joined a gym this past February.

Somewhere in the last 8 or 9 years though, some sort of bull shit happened in the gym world, where now what you wear there is a big flippin' deal. If you're not wearing head-to-toe, skin tight yoga gear then GET OUT. If your hair isn't in a perfect pony tail and your cheeks aren't bronzed to the point of perfection then just LEAVE YOUR FAT ASS AT HOME.

So I showed up to the gym wearing my stupid shorts (in February, mind you - I blinded them with my pasty white thighs) and a Chi Omega t-shirt circa 2004 and started out on the elliptical. As I looked around me I was horrified to see that every other female in the gym looked a LOT different than I did. Forget about the fact that I was on setting 2 and they were on 12, I'm talking about the fact that they were wearing clothes that cost more than my work clothes. That jacket from Lululemon that girl was sporting? $168 big ones. The Under Armor capri pants she's got on? $99. Don't worry you guys I checked. 

They also all had just done their make up and they didn't have a hair out of place. It was like working out with female robots all around me. Beautiful, well dressed machines in the one place I thought it was socially acceptable to be in public looking somewhat gross.

Well shit! 

Screw it I quit.


at least i tried.

If you haven't seen Empire Records yet, I really think you should.

Like... this week at some point would be good.

Damn The Man. Save The Empire.

Tonight I have to do something that's proving to be more difficult than I had initially guessed. I have to see my ex. The ex who ended things with no good reason, when I thought our relationship was sailing along smoothly. The ex who I still look for in every crowd I come across. The ex who, while I'm curling my hair and applying my makeup, I silently hope to see out that night. Tonight I'm going into a situation where I know I have the possibility of seeing him. And my emotions are running rampant. 

Part of me couldn't be more excited to see him. Part of me wants to go home and hide under the covers. 

I just feel like if he and I had gotten into a huge blowout break-up fight, I would have a little more closure. But he ended things so abruptly, over the phone on a chilly Monday night (a year ago yesterday, actually...) while I sat on my bedroom floor. Racking my brain trying to figure out what I could have possibly done.

As I'm typing this, Pandora is playing "She's Leaving Home" by the Beatles, which I realize has nothing to do with the situation that I'm going through, but some of the words are resonating with me a little more than they have before.

You can listen here too.

"Why would she treat us so thoughtlessly? How could she do this to me?"

"What did we do that was wrong? We didn't know it was wrong."

With him I had the strongest relationship I'd ever known. I was able to use some of the traits that I'd learned from my mother about being a good partner, a strong woman, a stand-by-your-man type of woman. I did more for him than I'd ever done for anyone I'd ever been with, and what's more... I wanted to. I wanted to help him through the hard times he was going through. I wanted him to be happy more than I wanted me to be happy. His happiness made my happiness. Something I had never known before.

"We never thought of ourselves, never a thought of ourselves."

And then just like that, it was over. And I haven't seen or heard from him since.

"Bye, bye."

So I've been chewing the ears off of friends and family, asking how to handle it, how to approach the situation, and I've gotten some really solid advice. Be breezy, be aloof, be happy, it's his loss, etc. The best advice though, came from my mother. The same mother who taught me how to be a great partner. She recited a quote to make me stronger in this instance as well.

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Hopefully tonight all I'll have to do is hold my head high and be as polite as possible. God will walk me through the rest.

OR... maybe a giant anvil will fall on his head on his way to the event and I won't have to deal with it at all!

Stay tuned.........

Jack is my cousin. He's the same age as me (born 24 days apart) and we have the same sense of humor so we may as well be twins for all intents and purposes.

Today on gchat, he informed me that he and his best friend like to speak in abbreviations. So he and I chatted the rest of the afternoon that way.

Instead of spelling things out like normal adults we just wrote the first letter of every word. The scary thing, though, is that we instantly knew what the other meant. 

He took "iass?" and knew I was asking if Alexander Steen (a Blues player) was single.

He typed back "d" and I knew that meant he was divorced.

I'll spare you the whole convo, but it left made me laugh a lot and made me think that our grandparents would be oddly proud of the odd people we turned out to be.

lyj, mtstl.

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Starting Fresh

I haven't updated this here thing since October. No reason really, I just didn't have much to blog about! This winter was long, hard, and polar vortex-y. A lot of good things happened though. I met new people, I took huge chances, and I can safely say today that I'm in the best place in my life that I've ever been!

And so it seems,

"In the midst of

winter, I found

there was, within

me, an invincible

summer."

Thanks for the quote, Hoff. 

Us summer girls need to stick together!!

I'll do a better job at keeping this updated - for the 3 of you that check it regularly (hi mom).