Murtaugh List

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I shouldn't like the show How I Met Your Mother. The premise is annoying and some of the actors on the show are fairly questionable. But I don't like it. I LOVE IT.

One of the episodes gave me an amazing idea - the main character (Ted) tells how he's created something called a Murtaugh List. As you all (should) know, Detective Murtaugh was Danny Glover's character in the Lethal Weapon series of movies. His famous catch phrase was "I'm gettin' too old for this shit".


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So the Murtaugh List, of course, is a list of things you're gettin' too old for. And it doesn't really have as much to do with your actual age, but more with your personal maturity level. For example, I'm too old to consider Ramen Noodles a meal. I'm too old to consider US Weekly a credible news source. I'm too old to find anything about Miley Cyrus appealing whatsoever. I'm too old to buy my makeup from a grocery store. Things like that.


I decided yesterday that I'm gettin' too old for Thanksgiving Eve (or as the elegant folks call it, Skanksgiving). Here's why:

This past Wednesday night, I struggled with whether or not I was going to go out. My friend Kristen and I were trying to figure out our logistics when I thought to myself, "Hey - it's the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and everybody is going out. Don't be lame." So I put on my version of a Skanksgiving-appropriate outfit (a red tank-top and jeans) and was ready to hit the town. I looked outside and noticed it was pouring down rain so I had no choice but to don my non-skanky trench coat. My friend Lindsay came over and met me at my place so we could ride together, and since we had called a cab to drive us out, we each downed a glass of white wine. The cab arrived and we ran through the rain to meet it. On the way I accidentally stomped in a huge puddle and ruined my brand new suede heels. But the night was still young, so I decided to shake that off. The cab cost us $40.00 to take us downtown and by the time we got there (at 10:30 pm) it was raining even harder. We got to the front door and (wouldn't ya know it) there was a cover charge. Who carries cash anymore? We made a pit stop at the ATM, paid an extra charge to check our coats and then finally made it inside where there were approximately 30 people. Lindsay was gone in a flash when she spotted some other friends, so it was up to me to find Kristen. When I finally did I realized that she was there on a double date. Being at home on my couch with a frozen pizza and my cat wasn't looking so lame anymore. As the night progressed, so did my drunkenness. Kristen had disappeared with her date and I was wandering around looking for somebody interesting to talk to - when I found my friend from college Michael. The bar was closing soon and Michael said he had a party bus that was going back to his house for after-bars. I grabbed Kristen and we hopped on the bus to go back to Michael's with a crowd of people we didn't (still don't) know. But Michael's a good guy so I knew we'd be alright. We got to his house and everyone headed straight to the kitchen to play beer pong. Kristen "fell asleep" on the couch, and I stopped at the bathroom. Upon exiting, I noticed an interesting staircase to the basement that was right in the middle of their living room floor. I have scoured the internet looking for an example of this sneaky staircase but have come up empty handed so you'll just have to trust me... it was fascinating. I started to make my way down the steps very slowly - and then it literally went downhill from there. I fell off the steps and over the side of them since there was no banister and landed right on my keester. At the time, of course, I thought it was hysterical until I noticed my leg was bleeding. "Alright", I slurred to myself, "Time to get out of here." I bid my adieus to Michael and co., threw Kristen over my shoulder and called a cab. When Kristen and I got in the cab, we realized we weren't going to the same place -not even the same city. The cab driver (graciously and expensively) agreed to take us to both destinations - but that he was going to take Kristen home first. Fine by me. We drove the thirty minutes to her house, she paid for her share, and then it was off to make the fourty five trek to my house.  I offered him my debit card and he let out an exhausted sigh. "My company doesn't take cards." "You have to" I said snottily, "it's the law". "It is the law, you're correct. But my company is brand new and very small and we can't afford the machines yet. I'll turn the meter off and we'll go find an ATM." GOD DAMMIT! CAN I NOT CATCH A BREAK?! We drove the three minutes to the nearest bank and I made a mad dash through the rain into their lobby to their ATM vestibule. It was 5 o'clock in the morning at this point. I sincerely just wanted to be at home in my warm, dry (unless my cat had peed on it again) bed. When I finally got home, I fell into bed, wet clothes and all, and stayed there until my alarm went off at 10. Time to get up and be with family for a fun-filled Thanksgiving meal! One problem... I was still very very drunk. I stared at myself in my bathroom mirror for about 15 minutes just trying to will the alcohol out of my system. "Be sober. Be sober. BE SOBER!!!!!"  When I realized that wasn't working, I got in the shower. Nothing worse than sitting next to your dear old grandmother reeking of alcohol, cigarette smoke, and bad decisions. In the shower I discovered the coaster-sized bruise I'd given myself from falling down the steps. I had been wondering why my butt hurt so bad since I'd regained consciousness, but didn't realize why until then. Stellar. I put on the most comfortable outfit I could get away with for this semi-dressy event, and gave myself a final once over.

"Oh Jesus. I'm gettin' too old for this shit."

Foolish Ways

I've noticed lately that, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm a bit of a crank. I've been on a few first dates over the past few months, and none of these relationships have turned out to become anything. Is it because I'm a difficult person to be around? Let's look at the evidence a little more closely shall we?

I'm constantly correcting the grammar and spelling of others. Part of me feels guilty about this, but mostly I see it as a favor to others. If you can't spell the word "definitely", then you definitely don't belong in an office setting. If you can't spell my name correctly even though it's at the bottom of the email I just sent you, I have to hope it's because you're too busy/important to notice instead of just that stupid. If you use the word "hear" when you mean to use the word "here", my head is going to explode. I understand that not everybody was an English major, but I'm constantly getting corrected for making math errors - why can't I correct people when they are misusing the language of our country? I'm a patriot damnit! I'm fighting for America! Maybe these suitors don't love America.... and I don't date terrorists.


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As I've mentioned in previous posts, I take my sleep very seriously. Some people knit, some play in a soccer league... I am an avid napper. How is this a bad thing, really? It shows that I'm content with my life and that I'd rather spend my time comfortable in my bed or on my incredibly cozy sofa than out boozing it up and/or socializing with thugs and dangerous folks. (Yes this is a weak argument. But an argument it is.)


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I have the palate of an 8 year old. These wonderful gents have been taking me to French restaurants, Medeterranian cafes and Spanish tapas bars and I find myself flustered while holding the menu because there are no chicken strips or french fries (this really threw me for a loop in the French restaurant). The server comes over and asks if we're ready to order... he orders the scallops and goat cheese-filled filet, and I order a caesar salad. Next guy, next restaurant, he orders pork tenderloin with curry mayonnaise, and I order a caesar salad. I have no desire to "try something new". I like what I like, and I'm a-okay with that. I'm a cheap date! I would assume that's a good thing!

My obsession with my cat Mia has frightened guys since I got her. But if/when I find a guy who loves me as unconditionally as she does, and who makes me smile as often as she does, then I'm sure I'll be just as crazy about him. But until then, a guy is going to have to understand that she was there first, and that she helped me through a pretty tough time in my life just by being around. She might be morbidly overweight and she might make a sh*t-ton of noise while I'm trying to sleep, but she's my baby. Love it or leave it.

As a 24 single woman, I'm starting to get those nagging feelings about whether or not I should just change my "eccentric" (thanks Amanda) ways and become a boring/relationship-friendly person. But what if tomorrow I meet a guy who knows how to diagram a sentence perfectly, loves fast food and doesn't mind fat cats?

I think I'll keep holding out for a guy who doesn't mind my foolish ways. And if he had a billion dollars and looked like this



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...that's cool too.

I stayed home sick today with a terrible head cold. Woke up with a miserable sore throat and stuffy nose. The best part of a sick day? Watching Oprah!


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This episode was about a farmer in Brazil who millions of people flock to for healing. They call him John of God, and he's been healing people for around 10 years. He only has a second grad education, doesn't use Western medicine, and performs surgery on people without using anesthesia. Can this be real?? Oprah isn't necessarily known for her hard hitting journalism, but her report of this story was fair, well represented and well rounded.

She interviewed people who went Brazil as skeptics, and came back believers. One was a doctor who graduated from Harvard and studied religion as well as medicine. He thought there had to have been more than met the eye. He came back as big of a believer as there ever was. He admits that there's no way to medically explain what was happening there, but he also admitted that he doesn't doubt for a second that these people were being healed by John of God's touch, words, and prayers.

Then came the woman who was diagnosed with stage four cancer, who went to see the healer in hopes of a cure. He performed a nasal probe on this woman (he literally sticks a 4 or 5 inch steel rod up a person's nose, and jimmys it around in their brain!!!). It's been about three years since she saw John of God, and though she's still cancer-ridden, she says that her faith in life has been restored, and that she no longer fears what's on the other side.

Can this farmer turned healer heal physical ailments as well as a lack of faith? Most of the people who went to see John of God came out healthier. ALL of them came back with a stronger sense of faith, and a deeper passion for life. Is this all hooey? Or is there really something to this Brazilian farmer?


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The Seasons, They Are A'changin....

Don't you just hate it when you wake up in a bad mood? Seriously, why does that happen? What was it during my R.E.M. cycle that pissed me off?

It could be because the seasons are changing. We've had an unseasonably warm fall here in St. Louis and now that the temperature is starting to dip a little, I find myself resenting the outdoors more and more. (Although let's be honest, even on the nicest of days in the Lou I'm usually indoors asleep or wishing I were.) It gets dark here at 4pm now, which makes this already sleepy girl even sleepier. Thank goodness I have a 6 minute drive home from work - otherwise I would worry that my heavy eyelids would cause pile ups on the highway.

My family has been in talks about what we're going to do this year for Christmas. What does everyone want, should we put a ceiling on the amount we spend this year, or should we just limit it to a certain number of gifts? I'm really only wanting one thing this year... help with a downpayment for a new car. I love the car I have now (a VW Jetta) but the lease is almost up! So what do I want next? I've been considering one of these in a bright white (used obviously), or maybe one of these bad boys ... except for I hate the little kid in those commercials.

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So that hurts this car's chances a little. He just seems like such an a-hole to me.

My friend sent me this link to a YouTube video last week and I kept wanting to open it but not having time. I finally opened it last night and almost wet myself laughing. Be careful where you open it! The language is a tad rough in spots.

Can we talk about the "poof" hairstyle that girls have been rocking lately? There are subtle examples of it that are flattering. Case-in-point:


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(Yes this is bias because Jennifer Aniston can do no wrong in my book. Shutup.)
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But poofs like the ones below give me the urge to purge:


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Not cute! Come on girls! Less is more! Snooki you could probably take that lesson and apply it to your entire life, but I'm not judging. Lord knows I've made some "hair don'ts" in my days. Take today for example. I showered, towel dried, and applied gel, and yet somehow it still looks like a brown bird's nest. And not even the cute, well-put-together kind. The kind that you see and you're like "Awww.. that bird must only have one wing or be partly blind or something to have made a nest like that... poor thing". But here I am a fully capable human being with 2 hands and full eyesight and I still have this going on up top


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BUT... if you ever catch me walking around lookingl ike a member of the Conehead family, please intervene immediately.

Happy Veteran's Day to all of our men and women who have fought for our country! God bless every single one of you, and thank you from the bottom of my heart!!


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I Know...

A wise man once said, "You write about what you know." And that wise man... was Larry David.

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When I found myself in a bit of a lull about what to write next here on Life's Circles, my mom quoted those magical words, and voila!


Here's what I know:


I know it's always better to tell the truth, no matter how hard it is. It shouldn't matter how uncomfortable it makes you or how bad the truth makes you look. You should respect yourself, and the person you're talking to, enough to be honest. Plus it's a commandment. Boo-yah.


I know there's nothing like a good nap. Especially one with a kitty...

I know that every once in a while, it's okay to let yourself get away with one thing you wouldn't let yourself do. (*Disclaimer: this doesn't give you permission to do anything illegal or immoral! It just gives you permission to be a little extravagant every now and again!) Buy the shoes. Eat the pizza. Take a (I'm not) sick day. The key to this though, is to not do it all the time. This helps to make the special treats, that much more special.

I know that being a goof-ball doesn't have to end when you graduate college. Many of my co-workers would prefer it if I didn't live my life this way... but I'm sorry I'm not sorry. There's no reason I should have to be in a building for 7.5 hours without having a few laughs. Plus I can't help it. It's in my DNA. Blame my 'rents ya'all.

So those are just a few things that I know. I'll be coming up with more exciting blog posts at some point here in the future!


I also know... THAT CONAN O'BRIEN IS BACK ON THE AIR TONIGHT!

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Welcome back my friend... welcome back.

How Many Thoughts Can I Cram Into One Post?

I have a new favorite song every few days... and currently it's :

Crossfire by Brandon Flowers


Listening to this song on repeat for the last week! The video is amazing too! Brandon Flowers... please come find me.

Keeping my head up today! Wanting desperately to figure things out now, now, NOW, but I need to remember that that's not what life's about!

Keeping my dear friend Sue in my thoughts and prayers -- she's lost two very important people in her life in the last six months. Her sisters Jay and Mary will always be a part of her life, but it's just so hard to wrap my head around the fact that they were both taken so young, and so close together. God works in mysterious ways sometimes, but it's always to teach us a lesson.

By the way, fall is finally here! So happy to bust out my cozy blanket and my stinky Uggs...



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I hope everyone is doing well and is getting geared up for the holidays! Can you believe that Thanksgiving is a mere weeks away? I hope my sister gets to bring her dog this year! Love that Bug!!

Alright y'all... back to my laundry and my attempt to paint my bathroom. Hope to be back in the next couple days! Keep Sweet Sue in your thoughts!