Airing of Buckingham Grievances...

My homeowner's association had their annual meeting this past weekend. I've been living there less than a year, so this was the first one I've ever been to. I wasn't sure what to expect but for some reason I had it built up in my head that it was going to be like one of my sorority's chapter meetings. In those meetings we would (respectfully... sometimes....) tell each other how we were feeling about the things were going on in the house. Laura was being too loud during quiet hours? Tell her at chapter. Randi's boyfriend and his fat ass frat friends ate all the ramen noodles from the kitchen? Tell her at chapter. You get the picture. So I was hoping that at this HOA meeting we would get a chance to air out our grievances with one another. Surely after we voted on whether or not to keep our current trash company and before voting on new officers there would be an "open forum" of sorts... but I waited and waited, and that forum never opened.

So I would like to take this chance to get some things off my chest.

To the elderly gentleman who lives across the hall:
I realize you only have one eye, but I don't believe that constitutes how loud your television needs to be. And isn't it common knowledge that if one of your senses is hindered, one or more of your senses is heightened? Turn down your Law and Order re-runs please. Oh, and help a sister out and close your blinds. I'm tired of looking out my window or coming through the front door to the building and seeing you standing in your tank top and boxers whilst smoking a cigar. No more.

                                     

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To the guy who lives above me:
Please stop cooking delicious smelling foods around 10:30 pm. The smells come down through the vents in my room and at that point I'm already in bed. No more cooking pancakes and bacon - no more pizza deliveries, and absolutely positively NO more making cupcakes. Your cooking habits not only make me feel bad about not knowing how to (or wanting to) cook, but it makes me get out of my warm, cozy bed and eat things I don't need to be eating. So either cook at normal hours, or do like the normal folk do and get your meals from the drive thru.



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Next up, the guy who lives above me's girlfriend:

TAKE OFF YOUR HEELS! There's no reason for you to have those things on all night. Hard wood floors make for a noisy environment as it is but your stilettos are destroying my life. Get your Uggs on and kick up your feet doll... or just shutup.



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And last but not least, this one goes out to you next door neighbor:

Please stop flaunting the fact that you work out. Every time I see you you're in workout gear with sweaty hair and sneakers on, and all you can talk about is what a "great workout you just had". I get it. You're physically fit. You drink water and you probably subscribe to Self magazine and read it while in the downward dog position. Can't we politely chat about the weather or how weird the one-eyed creep is across the hall? Let me fill you in on the latest episode of Tosh.0... Anything besides your intense Zumba sesh. P.s. you usually stink.

 

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Okay great. Now that I got all that out I feel much better. I'm not claiming to be the perfect neighbor. I'm sure my cat stinks and that my drunk friends are super obnoxious at 2 am. But I'm writing this blog, and you're not. So piss off.