Like Mmmmagic.

Things I'd do if I had magical powers:

1. Something to fix my b.s. head of hair. God and I are going to have some serious words about this if I get up there

2. Make any item of clothing I pin on Pinterest appear in my closet

3. Make Dr. Pepper have no calories

4. My cats wouldn't shed and their litter boxes would always be empty

5. I would possess the ability to wipe the memory of people after I tell a story that they didn't find funny - then I would retell it funnier

6. Flying duh

The Good Witch

Rude Awakening. Literally.

So last night I got a glass of ice water and put it on my nightstand before I went to sleep. Then I forgot about it.

Until about 3:30 a.m. when Lyla swatted it onto my face. 

It's official cat. You're a dick.

Jenna Marbles

King of Hearts

God bless my old man... he can be a grumpy old fella when he wants to, but he has to have the biggest heart of any human I've ever met. If I'm lucky enough to be at all like him when I'm a parent,  I hope I share that in common with him the most.

Couldn't Love it More

 

HoHey

Bad Company

When did I become such a bad person? This morning I told someone to go make fun of someone else so I could laugh about it. That's not cool...

Shit.

Hypnotize

Just now out of nowhere my phone started playing Hypnotize by Notorious B.I.G.

I'm sitting here clackity clacking away and I hear "Uh. Uh. Uh." coming from my phone.

Sorry surrounding cubicle dwellers. 

Not exactly sure where that came from.