Ready.

via

Oh hai.

Anyone still out there?

I haven't posted in 5 months, so I would understand if nobody was out there anymore! I was kind of a busy bee what with being in a relationship at all, but since that ship has sailed, I have some free time again and nobody's ear to really chat off, so I'll write my stories out like I used to.

I work in an office building with shrubs and bushes surrounding the exterior walls. A couple weeks ago, our maintenance man Robert walked over to my desk and told me that we would have some baby ducks in our parking lot soon! He took me outside and showed me that there was a mama duck sitting on her nest inside of a little bush. Of course I decided that this now was my duck and that it would be my responsibility to take care of her (as if she really needed my help to begin with). 

Each day I would go out there to see if she was doing okay, and to make sure that nobody was messing with her nest. I would bring her Goldfish crackers (thanks for sharing, Betsy) and Saltines. It was hard to see her little face in there behind all of the leaves, but I could feel her giving me the stink eye... 

"Get away from my nest you lunatic, I can take care of myself."

But she ate everything I brought her! 

A couple of weeks went by and it was time for me to go on vacation to Florida. While I was gone I asked my co-worker Katie to keep an eye on the mama and her eggs. Yesterday as I was boarding my plane back to St. Louis, Katie sent me a text message that said that the eggs had hatched and that there was nobody there! I got back to the office first thing this morning and sure enough, there were broken eggs everywhere and no ducks to be seen.

Robert came and found me this morning and told me all about how he went over to check on them on Monday and how they were gone, and later that day he saw a woman on a street near our office stopping traffic. He walked over to see what the commotion was all about and there they were, the 6 little ducklings and their mama that I had fallen so in love with! The lady got them safely across the street and Robert followed them over to their nest. The babies were having a hard time getting back into their nest so Robert fashioned a teeny tiny duckling ramp for them to use to get up the curb and back into their little house. 

But now they're gone. Just .... gone. 

Good luck little duckling friends. I'll miss you all!

take care

It's Been Awhile.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately... December was a disgustingly busy month for me. In a good way! Christmas with my family and friends was amazing - couldn't have asked for anything better. But I'll be honest, I'm looking forward to a gloriously empty January :)

So what are your New Years Resolutions going to be? Do you have anything in mind?

Originally mine was going to be the super lame "Lose 15 pounds by my vacation in May"... but I decided that that's just something I have to do no matter what. The Big Betsy Baxter Ball Bachelorette Birthday Bonanza event (or The 7 B Weekend) is coming up in early May in Florida, and then her wedding is in early June. After catching a glimpse of myself in the bridesmaid dresses we tried on last week I decided there's a considerable amount of work to be done. I'm like the fat ghost from Casper - ya know the live-action one with Christina Ricci and Bill Pullman? So anyway I just have to tighten up and get a few shades darker before that time comes. Just tighten up. 

Realistically my resolution should be to keep my condo cat-hair and cat-litter free and to hang up my clothes when I take them off as opposed to stacking them on top of my dresser, but who are we kidding? It's a resolution, not a magic trick. Try as I might, there will still be mass quantities of evidence of the two jerk cats everywhere, as well as clothes piled high in miscellaneous places.  I've made my peace with that.

So then I decided maybe my resolution should be to start being nicer to people. Lately I've noticed that I get annoyed with people a lot easier than I used to. I used to be a very patient and gracious person on the outside and snarky on the inside. Lately the snark has gotten the better of me and I've become a bit bitchy. Gotta lock that up - it's not cute.

So? What's yours?

Happy New Year

Save Ferris

Last night Pat and I sat bellied-up to the bar at Dubliner and recited quotes form Ferris Bueller's Day Off for about an hour. I laughed so hard my sides literally started to hurt.

Can't remember the last time that happened!

The King

Cam

Sloan

A Genius Article

Katie just forwarded this to me and I can't keep it to myself - it's too good.

Drew Magary wrote a FANTASTIC article about Williams-Sonoma for Deadspin called The Hater's Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog and here are a few of my favorite tid-bits... Enjoy friends:

"I bought a Williams-Sonoma cheese grater for my mom for Christmas once because I had no idea what to get her and I was in a mall and there the grater was, just large enough to take up space under the tree and just cheap enough to let her know that I put NO thought or care into buying a gift for her. Anyway, I paid for this grater with a credit card. And when a place like Williams-Sonoma gets your credit card and thus your address, you are on the mailing list for life. Every holiday season, my mail slot gets bukkake'd with monstrous catalogs packed with shit I would never, ever buy, and the W-S catalog stands out among them.

While certain retailers like Hammacher Schlemmer are almost intentionally ludicrous ("Buy this personal hovercraft for $80,000!"), there's no wink to be found in a Williams-Sonoma catalog. The people at W-S aren't the least bit self-conscious about getting you to pay $35 for mailed gravy. So I thought I would go through this holiday season's catalog, which has spent a solid week atop my shitter, and point out some of the more ridiculous items. Because there are people out there who buy this shit. The question is ... who? And why? Let's try to figure that out now.

Williams-Sonoma says: "Ceramicist Barbara Eigen has been designing unique pieces, often inspired by nature, since 1997. Our Harvest Pumpkin Collection is a perfect example of her lifelike work. The tureen and accessories add organic whimsy to your Thanksgiving table."

Price: $40 for a set of four individual tureens

Notes from Drew: This is actually one of the more reasonably priced items in the W-S catalog, as long as you don't consider it a waste to spend $40 on four pumpkin bowls that you will use three times per decade. I used to buy terrible gifts like this for people all the time. HERE ARE YOUR PUMPKIN BOWLS! NOT BAD, EH? Because, honestly, what can you do with a pumpkin soup bowl besides put pumpkin soup in it? If you put tomato soup in it, God will murder you.

Williams-Sonoma says: "Polished alderwood with 76 yards of linen twine. Made in Italy."

Price: $26

Notes from Drew: Oh, thank God! Thanksgiving was mere weeks away and I was like OH FUCK, WE'RE OUT OF TWINE. AND WE HAVE NO PLACE TO DISPENSE SAID TWINE. Sure, any asshole can go to the store and buy a roll of cooking string for half a penny and keep that twine in a drawer for the one time per year someone in the house has to tie up a raw turkey only to fail miserably and get salmonella deep inside his palms for years and years. But I want CLASSY twine, you know? I want my twine to say something about ME.

Williams-Sonoma says: "Wide platform with a slot simplifies slicing then lifting even the largest sandwiches."

Price: $19.95

Notes from Drew: ZOMG THIS SANDWICH IS SO LARGE! I can't possibly lift it using only my hands or a common spatula. If only someone out there would invent a unique tool that would allow me to lift my panini and then transfer it to a plate. I'm not just gonna pick it up myself, like a DOG. There's hot gruyere in that sandwich! It could burn.

By the way, you should know that any kitchen utensil designed specifically for one kind of food or meal is essentially useless: a panini spatula, a fondue pot, a steak tartare fork. Unless you plan on eating raclette four days a week, you don't need any of that shit.

Williams-Sonoma says: "Baked by trappist monks at a monastery in the Missouri Ozarks. Order early. Supply is limited."

Price:$39.95

Notes from Drew: Everything about that sales copy just blew my skull. There are trappist monks in the Ozarks? Do they brew artisanal meth? I don't trust fruitcake to begin with. I sure as shit am not trusting fruitcake that comes from a redneck friar. They'll swap out uppers for candied fruit. And yet, supply is limited. Apparently, the market for $40 Ozark fruitcake is ENORMOUS. White women from Bridgehampton ALL THE WAY to Westhampton rely on the monks to deliver their holiday fruitcake every year. Ina Garten's ADORABLE HUSBAND JEFFREY WHO MAKES A LOT OF MONEY loves the sight of a fine white-trash-monk fruitcake any time he comes home. TIE IT UP WITH THE TWINE!"

There's a lot more excellence where these came from... give the article a gander (click on the title at the beginning to take you directly to the link)!

I hope you and your family have a very Happy Thanksgiving filled with crap cranberry sauce and unnecessary ornate ceramic bowls. 

Blown Away

For those of you who live in the St. Louis area like me, I'm about to drop some fantastic news on you:

There's now a blow-out bar in Clayton.

I'll give you a second to stop squirming with excitement...

Yes, it's true. Right by the intersection of Ladue and Hwy 170 (next to Splash - which is also amazing...) is a new hair salon that does only blow outs. Well, the word "only" is misleading. I just mean that they don't do cuts and colors. 

All Images via Blown Away's Website

I went to check it out yesterday on my lunch break and was immediately obsessed. There's a "menu" of options to choose from:

Straight & Sleek, Hollywood Glam, Beachy Waves, Let's Curl Up, Pony Up, Short & Sassy

I opted for the Beachy Waves (it took the least amount of time, and I was in a hurry as I was on my lunch break - 45 minutes. Wash, dry, curl. Amazing.)

I walked in with my hair still wet from the shower and in a not-so-lovely bun... and walked out with luscious curls! 

This picture was taken at 10 o'clock at night... 9 hours after I left the salon! Please excuse the lack of makeup and the ginormous chin.

They open at 7am so if you need a quick pick-me-up before work, pop in (walk-ins welcome!) and get your hair done! Treat yourself to a little luxury, and get Blown Away!

How it iz

Charming

You either got it or you don't