New (sort of) Tune

I didn't watch the most recent season of American Idol because it's on not one, but two nights a week for two hours and well screw that.

Evidently someone named Phillip Phillips (seriously?) is the reigning champ and this was his big original song at the end of the season... I heard it on the Olympics and decided I lurved it.

It's a perfect "on-the-patio-drinking-a-draft-beer" song. 

Paper Man

I watched a movie yesterday called Paper Man with Jeff Daniels, Emma Stone, Ryan Renolds and Lisa Kudrow. It's a dark comedy (to call it any kind of a comedy is really a stretch because really there are only 4 or 5 funny parts) from 2009. Jeff Daniels is a struggling writer named Richard who still talks to his childhood imaginary friend, Captain Excellent (Ryan Renolds). 

It's cute. But this quote made me laugh really loud. It's not even that funny... but the fact that it's a conversation between a grown man and his imaginary friend named Captain Excellent (who is a world class smart ass) made me chuckle:

Richard: Do you have to question every choice I make?!

Captain Excellent: Make better choices.

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Watch it on a Sunday afternoon when you've got nothin better going on and maybe a hint of a hangover. I think you'll enjoy it. Whoever you are.

Fredbird!!!

Ever since I was a little girl, I've admired the mascot for the St. Louis Cardinals. 

that's not me

Fredbird is without a doubt the coolest MLB mascot in the game. Here's some info on him from the St. Louis Cardinals' website in case you aren't familiar:

FREDBIRD'S STORY:

Fredbird was born in April of 1979...from the day he was hatched, Fredbird loved going to games with Mom and Dad Bird. He loved the crowd and the game itself, (he also like the popcorn, hotdogs, and soda too.) Before the games he was always playing around on the field with the players, umpires, and ushers. While watching the games he liked to have fun with the fans around him. One day Fredbird got up on the dugout and started dancing in between innings when they played music. Fredbird did this at every game and the fans loved it. As Fredbird got older he did more and more around the ballpark, dancing, playing with his watergun, playing jokes on the umpires, and shooting t-shirts out to the crowd. The Cardinals noticed how much the fans loved Fredbird and decided to give him a life-long contract as their mascot. Look for Fredbird at EVERY GAME that you go to, you will find him driving his truck, dancing on the dugout, or beaking a few fans' heads. Watch out, you might be next to be beaked!

I've admired Fred from afar for years now, always longing to meet him and maybe one day, if I'm very lucky, get beaked. I've even put "Meet Fredbird" on my bucket list... 

 Well last night, I had my chance. My brother-in-law gave me his tickets for seats right behind the Cardinals dugout and in the 5th inning, Fredbird came out to play.

He and the lovely ladies from Team Fredbird were doing their thing right in front of us - dancing to "Whoop There It Is" and tossing out t-shirts... I was distracted from my mission to hug the big furry bird, because I realized one of the two girls (the one closest) was in my sorority! I was busy trying to get her attention to give her a wave (and obviously snapping pictures) and I didn't notice that Freddie was cruising on by...

The time was now. If I was ever going to meet him, this was my perfect opportunity.

But I couldn't. I was glued to my chair.

No literally - I was stuck to my seat. It was about 109 yesterday and by the time the sun went down it cooled off to a refreshing 98. Everyone was soaked in sweat and using whatever they could find to fan themselves off. So when it came time to leap out of my chair to wave him over, I realized the skirt I was wearing was drenched and everyone behind me would have seen my sweat-soaked posterior. Laugh all you want - it was hot as balls.

So as I sat there silently cursing the hot temperature and the leather seat to which my ass was stuck, Fredbird swiftly got away.

He took a couple pictures with fans, put his beak over a couple of their heads (sob) and put his red plush tail in some old man's face, and all I could do was watch. Watch, and die a little inside as I continued to use my ballpark napkins to mop up my sweat. And tears.

me.

garfield 

Toot Toot!

There's a new guy in our office and his chair must be broken or something, because every time he moves in his seat, it sounds like he's ripping ass. I'm being a big person here by giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's not, in fact, tooting his horn every 30 seconds or so.  But anyway - I think I deserve a medal of some kind for not making any snide or immature comments about the fart noises coming at me all day long.

Yes, Jessica. I just said "fart". I know how much it disgusts you though, so here's a list of euphemisms for it:

1. Anal Salute 
2. Beep your horn 
3. Blast the chair 
4. Blat 
5. Blow Mud 
6. Blow the big brown horn 
7. Bottom blast 
8. Bottom burp 
9. Break wind 
10. Butt burp 
11. Butt trumpet 
12. Butt tuba 
13. Buttock bassoon 
14. Cut a stinker 
15. Cut the cheese 
16. Cut the wind 
17. Drop a bomb 
18. Fart 
19. Flatulate 
20. Flatulence 
21. Float an air biscuit 
22. Funky rollers 
23. Gaseous intestinal by-products 
24. HUMrrhoids 
25. Honk 
26. Let a Beefer 
27. Let each little bean be heard 
28. Mating call of the barking spider 
29. Mexican jet propulsion 
30. One-gun salute 
31. Pass gas 
32. Pass wind 
33. Poot 
34. Puff, the Magic Dragon! 
35. Rebuild the ozone layer one poof at a time 
36. Rectal honk 
37. Rectal shout 
38. Ripple Fart 
39. Shoot the cannon 
40. Singe the [noun] (e.g. carpet) 
41. Step on a duck 
42. The colonic calliope 
43. The gluteal tuba 
44. Toot your own horn 
45. Trouser cough 
46. Trouser trumpet 

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Birth Orders

Does our birth order dictate what kind of personality we have?

My sister just had her first baby, Ben, and he's a "hold-me" baby. He's more comfortable being in someone's arms than he is in his bassinet. I mentioned to my mom how sweet this was and she said, "Well your sister (Ben's mom) was the exact same way. She always wanted to be held and rocked and hugged". "Oh," I said, "so it runs in the family? Was I the same way?" She laughed and said "Nooooo no no no. You were a 'put-me-in-my-bed-and-leave-me-alone baby". Easy enough for me to believe since I'm still this way today... 

This lead me to wonder - does who we are and how we act really boil down to where we landed on our family tree? If I had been a middle child instead of the baby of the family, would I have been someone completely different today? A lot of research has gone into this notion - it was really fascinating to look into! 

Here's what I found out about myself:

"The baby of the family tends to be:

- fun-loving

- uncomplicated

- manipulative

- outgoing

- attention-seeker

- self-centered"

via Parents Magazine

How a person can be manipulative yet uncomplicated is beyond my comprehension but evidently I am (or "my people" are). I tend to agree with the fact that I'm attention-seeking. I would really get jealous when my parents would praise my sister for her good grades or how great of a dancer she was and get miffed. I don't think I'm as bad about it anymore now that I'm a little older and wiser... but I definitely still do want the attention and praise of my parents and those around me. I hope I'm not annoying about it... I sincerely don't mean to be! Blame it on my parents for making me the baby! I don't agree that I'm self-centered. If anything I think I'm the opposite - not necessarily a saint by any means but not a spoiled brat, either. 

Some of the other research I did showed that "parents tend to be more laissez-faire" with the last born of the family. Well that's certainly true. I remember seeing how much trouble my sister would be in if she were 15 minutes late getting home after a night out. Then when it was my turn to be out on the town, I was shocked to see that my mom and dad would be sound asleep as I walked through the door whether I was on time or not! Good to know this is normal with all families... us babies have it easy compared to the older siblings who paved the way for us.

There is a lot to be said about how where you landed in your family molds you into the person you are as an adult. As I mentioned before, Ben is the first for my sister and her husband, and I know they plan to have more. Maybe looking a little into this will help us all relate to him a little better when his sibling comes along!

What about you? Are you a first child: structured, responsible, conscientious? A middle-child: peace-making, people-pleasing, achiever? Or the baby, like me?

I don't know how much this "science" applies to your lives, but I do know one thing for certain: I am thankful for my older sister every single day. Without her, I think I'd be one lost little lady.

Yay

I'm going to Target today on my lunch hour to pick up my crazy pills. 

And cat food.

Cuz ya know.  You can't have one without the other.

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Just Trust Me.

Go see Ted.

Thunder Buddies

Do it now.

That is all.

Emma Stone-Cold-Fox

How do I love thee, Emma Stone? Let me count the ways:

1. Your fiery red hair (even though I believe it comes from a bottle, it's still amazeballs)

2. Your wisdom: "You're only human. You live once and life is wonderful so eat the damn red velvet cupcake!"

3. Your wicked sense of humor

4. Your lovable awkwardness

5. Your flawless taste

I was reading an Entertainment Weekly this weekend and I saw an interview with her where she talks about how movies have affected her life. I know this is totally lame of me to say but based off of this interview I think she and I would be best friends if she were ever lucky enough to meet me... she cited Beetlejuice, Sleepless in Seattle, Annie Hall, The Holiday... I really think she and I would make great buds. 

via

We've got the same awesome dance moves.

Anyway - the purpose of this was to answer the same movie questions she answered in her EW interview. Here's my whack at it:

First movie I remember seeing: I'm thinking the answer to this is some animated Disney movie, but the first movie I remember ever LOVING was Newsies. Christian Bale as a poor singing newsboy who dreams to live in Santa Fey? Yes please. You open those gates and you seize that day, Christian. 

What movie would you like to take the fashion from: Emma's answer for this question was Spice World which I think is awesome... but I think my answer would have to be Grace Kelly's wardrobe from High Society. So timeless and ladylike!

Favorite character from a movie: I think the honest answer to this would have to be Bang Bang from the movie The Brothers Bloom. She says only one or two words the entire movie but I just think her character is amazing. She doesn't need to speak to be interesting.

First R-rated drama I remember seeing: Jerry Maguire. I was at my friend Jennifer's and we snuck the VHS tape up to her bedroom and watched it during a sleepover. There's a pretty intense "love scene" in that movie between Tom Cruise and Kelly Preston... we definitely were not prepared for that. 

Movie star crush: This one is so hard for me because there are so damn many but I'll go with the one that seems to win me over in whatever role he's in, and that would have to be Robert Downey Jr. His timing is perfection and I think he's incredibly attractive - and just getting better with age!

Scariest movie I've ever seen: Cape Fear. I've only seen the last 15 minutes or so of this but that was enough to tell me I didn't want to see the rest. That's some messed up back-woods shit right there.

Last movie I purchased: Technically my mom bought it for me, but I just got Puss'n'Boots last month. Shutup it's funny.

Movie I'd most like to see remade: I'd really like to see a remake of Ferris Bueller's Day Off... or maybe Death Becomes Her. Ooh ooh or High Society. But the thing about remakes is they try too hard and then they end up screwing everything up. See: Arthur with Russell Brand. But don't really it's horrible.

The movie I can't turn off if it's on TV: I think the answer to this would have to be You've Got Mail. I don't know if it's Meg Ryan's adorableness, Tom Hanks' charm, or what, but every time this chick flick is on tv I have to watch. I just love the idea that a man could adore a person as much as Tom Hanks adores Meg Ryan in that movie.

Movie I've seen more times than I can count: I watch every movie too many times. But I'd say I've probably seen Princess Bride the most out of my collection. I catch a new joke each time I watch it (yes, I'm slow) and fall a little deeper in love with Westley. "As you wish..." le sigh!

The movie that always makes me cry: Titanic. I'm not even going to start to get into it. And it's not just cute little sniffles, I openly sob and heave. I did the same thing at Moulin Rouge when I went to see that with my mom in middle school. But that was the only time I cried at that movie... now I can keep it together at the end. But Titanic -- woosh. That's a movie that will ruin your month.

The movie I most frequently quote: Well I'm a movie quoter. I quote movies and tv shows a lot... so this one is pretty tough. I do Young Frankenstein a lot, and Caddyshack a lot, too. Father of the Bride (I'm a Frank fan), Field of Dreams, She's the Man, Wedding Crashers, Grosse Point Blank... pretty much any movie I see, I find a line in it I like and I use it as my own. I'M NOT SORRY!!!!

Favorite musical: Chicago, Moulin Rouge, High Society, Hard Days Night, and/or Help. Musicals mix two of my very favorite things together so I kind of have a huge obsession with them. 

Standards

A coworker was just asking me about my love life (as my coworkers tend to do) and I said that there was nothing happening right now. She says, "Do you think your standards are too high, Alli?"

Now what the hell does that mean? 

My standards are high. And that's a GOOD thing. I'm not settling for any single thing less than I want or deserve.

boom.

Another Awkward Run-In with Alli

Me: Can I have a small house salad with lite ranch dressing?

Imo's Guy: Do you like meat?

(I misunderstood.)

Me: Of course I like you! You're always so friendly!

Imo's Guy: No. No no no. Do you like meaT on your salad? Like ham and turkey?

Me: Oh. No I don't like meat on my salad. You, though... you I'm crazy about.

Geeze. Oh well I got a large salad and a large soda out of it when I only paid for a small salad. 

Score.

Nick Miller for the win