Toot Toot!

There's a new guy in our office and his chair must be broken or something, because every time he moves in his seat, it sounds like he's ripping ass. I'm being a big person here by giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's not, in fact, tooting his horn every 30 seconds or so.  But anyway - I think I deserve a medal of some kind for not making any snide or immature comments about the fart noises coming at me all day long.

Yes, Jessica. I just said "fart". I know how much it disgusts you though, so here's a list of euphemisms for it:

1. Anal Salute 
2. Beep your horn 
3. Blast the chair 
4. Blat 
5. Blow Mud 
6. Blow the big brown horn 
7. Bottom blast 
8. Bottom burp 
9. Break wind 
10. Butt burp 
11. Butt trumpet 
12. Butt tuba 
13. Buttock bassoon 
14. Cut a stinker 
15. Cut the cheese 
16. Cut the wind 
17. Drop a bomb 
18. Fart 
19. Flatulate 
20. Flatulence 
21. Float an air biscuit 
22. Funky rollers 
23. Gaseous intestinal by-products 
24. HUMrrhoids 
25. Honk 
26. Let a Beefer 
27. Let each little bean be heard 
28. Mating call of the barking spider 
29. Mexican jet propulsion 
30. One-gun salute 
31. Pass gas 
32. Pass wind 
33. Poot 
34. Puff, the Magic Dragon! 
35. Rebuild the ozone layer one poof at a time 
36. Rectal honk 
37. Rectal shout 
38. Ripple Fart 
39. Shoot the cannon 
40. Singe the [noun] (e.g. carpet) 
41. Step on a duck 
42. The colonic calliope 
43. The gluteal tuba 
44. Toot your own horn 
45. Trouser cough 
46. Trouser trumpet 

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